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Friday, January 8, 2016

Maatam

Photograph by Apalkin Paul - Ukrainian Photographer

Grieving
For a loss
Years after …

Years
Of blocking the hurt
Turning one’s back.

There were
Passing pangs,
Little jogs of memory,
All pushed
Firmly into oblivion
Refusal to face … extreme

Nights
Spent awake
Dry-eyed and burning
Days passed
In fake-happy hazes
Caring, worrying, laughing
                                                                                                           
Sublimating
Pain and instincts
Through amused, befuddled friends

Grieving … ---
For what? …
unsure
Of the greatness of loss

If the universe gives
And then takes away
Is it really loss?
If the impossible
Refuses to be
Is that loss?

It was …
Was it?

Questions unanswered.
The most wanted
Transformed to the most dreaded.
Life, … as usual

Something taken
Before presence was felt
Cannot be mourned.

Yet, the loss
Seems real …
More real than my being.

And today
I resolve to mourn
For all that might have been
But wasn’t, all that …
Almost was



Tonight, I wear black in my soul.